A codependent relationship is a relationship that involves such a strong emotional involvement in the life of a partner that any individual development is threatened. And where there is no development, there is no life. As dependence deepens, partners dissolve more and more into each other and begin to resemble two birds that, folding their wings
together, fly into the abyss.
9 key signs of a codependent relationship:
1. Discomfort in a relationship. You feel unhappy about such a relationship. Both the presence and absence of a partner are difficult for you. It is impossible to live together and apart in any way. At the same time, the relationship absorbs you so much that gradually comes the feeling that you are trapped, and there is no way to get out of it.
2. Lack of open dialogues. Communication between codependent partners more often occurs through hints, guesses, and manipulations.
3. The need to earn love and attention. In order to receive the attention of a partner, you need to fulfill certain conditions, comply with the accepted rules. Otherwise, “punishment” in the form of coldness or criticism may follow.
4. Your partner becomes your main project. All your thoughts and emotions are concentrated on the partner and his/her activity. In this case, personal goals and desires are relegated to the background as insignificant.
5. Total control is a constant companion of codependent relationships. You constantly need to know where your partner is, and what he/she does there. The obsessive need to keep a constant eye on the partner often masks a lack of true trust.
6. Violation of personal boundaries. Two individual “I” dissolve into “We”. The boundaries of an independent personality become blurring and, eventually, get lost.
7. Constant quarrels that arise and develop in a very similar scenario. They are distinguished by high intensity and indifference to the point of view of your interlocutor.
8. Responsibility problems. Very specific treatment of responsibility occurs in a codependent relationship. It can be a complete rejection of personal responsibility and the desire to shift it onto another person, or the desire to take increased responsibility for the life of a partner, but not for your own.
9. Anxiety. It arises for no apparent reason when there is no objective threat. It is total and intrusive. That is, it is always present, and there is no way to switch or answer the question of what exactly causes concern.